Posted by: Pablo | April 6, 2009

When Keeping it Hardbody Goes Wrong.

Just a warning, I do not hold back when I discuss race, especially my own people.  So be warned that I am coming at you hardbody with what I think.  A lot of you already know how I get down, but this just a reminder if you did not already know.

This happened a few weeks ago.  My sister’s friend was having a birthday party.  It was one of those rare weekends where I did not have anything planned.  I was hanging out with my sister for most of the day and did not bother to make any more accommodations for the evening.  I asked if I could go along, and the birthday girl said it was cool.  My sister’s friend drives us to the house.  We get there hella early, so shit was not off the chain.  I am sitting there sipping my drink getting buzzed and what not.  As the evening progresses, more people show up and I mingle.

Thing is, this was an all out Mexican party.  Straight mex from jump street, so you know I already stick out.  It is like strike one by default on my ass already.  As more and more mexi-fries piled in I crack jokes at the expense of some of these dudes.  Most were cool with it, but it turned out that a few were getting offended but some of my remarks.  I don’t know how many Mexicans you hang out with, but they are kind of like guidos in the regard that they front like a motherfucker.  Most dudes are short and have a small man complex, so they get their 24 hour fitness memberships to enlarge their biceps.  I mean shit, I work out too but for much more practical applications.  To top it off, every dude had that gay ass Daddy Yankee look to them, and you get no respect from me when you purposefully try to look like a bitch.  I will be honest, I hold a grudge against these “groupings” of Mexicans because these are essentially the same people that gave me shit while growing up.  I was never seen as one of “them” so I always had issues with these motherfuckers.  That is why I hung out and grew up with black people.  To them I was just a white ass Mexican and left it at that.  I did not have to explain to them my family tree, what flavor of white I was mixed with or any other redundant information Mexicans care about.   I am not like those dumb ass Mexicans that tell you that they are mixed with Spanish, desperately trying to claim as much white blood to save face.  Fuck you stupid bitches that do that.  Don’t ever come to me with that shit unless you want to get handled. Why they flaunt their rapist ancestors like that I will never know.

Later in the evening, one dude in particular was taking offense.  This motherfucker just stayed away in the distance and never once confronted me about what I was doing or saying.  It all came down to one particular moment.  I gravitated to the living room, which was the dance floor for the evening.  I spot a group of mildly attractive bitches and wanted to see what was up.  I was macking on at least four of them, at the same time.  I singled one of them out because she looked bored.  I said to her, “Hey yo, you look bored, what is the deal on a key?”  She responded by saying, “I wish they would play more Reggaeton”.  My face went blank, and hatred consumed my soul.  Then, the vodka spoke on my behalf and I responded with “OH MAN, that is HELLA spic.” I proceeded to talk with another group and went about getting down for the crown.  Well, the breezy was upset, and yes I was wrong and it was out of line, especially since she did not know me or my beef with hating ass Mexicans and Daddy Yankee.  She told the birthday girl and the owner of the house.  The owner was asking me to leave, and then I got pissed.  Even better, the DJ stopped the music so I was now the focus of the room. I told that breezy it was a joke AND I apologized but they still wanted to kick me out.  Well, guess who else hopped on the hate brigade, that punk ass dude that I was pissing off earlier in the evening.  He was saying that he wanted to take me out.  Where was he earlier in the evening?  Why now?  Oh that’s right, because those two other dudes were trying to get in my face because I did not want to leave.  Yeah, good timing you little bitch.  I would destroy you.  Please believe they would have charged me with a hate crime on your ass.

The best part was when the bitch in question got in my face.  My sister, with a Coors Light bottle in hand, empties it, and fucking swings it at the inferior female.  I think she hit her, but there was a lot of commotion so it was not a clean blow.  I stomped out and yelled at all three of them to come fight me.  At this time I was already sobered up, so they were getting only the finest rage out of me.  Man, I wanted it, badly, it had been a while since I fought someone.  All the rage and energy I have to keep under control on a daily basis was fully unraveled.  At that point, I did not give a fuck.  Maximus Hardbody status was fully activated.  I was free.

In this rage, I kept yelling at these dudes to come out and get a piece.  I do some ballistic stretching.  Then I start punching a tree to get the blood pumping.  There were three dudes outside smoking that saw this and they ran back inside. During the final moments, I think everyone was more scared of my sister than me so she held her own. Respect.  No one wanted a piece and I was disappointed in the lack of action. We are both kicked out of the party and my sister is furious with me.  It was an excellent bonding experience for the two of us.  We made their fucking night.

So, what did I learn from this?  I should probably not be so defensive when interacting with a mob of Mexicans.  Also, some people still get offended by the word “spic”, especially when they are the epitome of the stereotype.   More importantly, I have a whole lot to lose, so I guess being such a champion of life has its downsides.  I do have a death wish sometimes and it really needs to stop.  I should be better at putting things into perspective.

You want to know the best part?  Remember the dude that wanted to take me out? Turns out that piece of shit motherfucker beats his girlfriend.  And I am the one getting kicked out?  I am the bad guy?  What a bunch of fucking marks.



  1. i love spics. hell i can even pass for one sometimes. esp with my love of beef lengua. anyways, i got your back if you’re tryin to jack that dude’s gf and give him a lil man beating action. straight blow out backs with his breezy first tho.
    btw, i saw your ass dancin to daddy yankee in the club son, don’t front for the homies.

  2. Beast.

  3. too good.

  4. you left out the part where i actually got in the woman beaters face and put him in his place with the bottle in hand

  5. haha this post is epic. the side of pablo I have never seen…man i miss Seattle

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