Posted by: Pablo | October 8, 2008

Mexican-American-European Vacation 2008

Tuesday October, 7 2008

Italia and France 2008

I do not even know where to start with this trip. The original intentions of this family were to be a last hurrah of sorts in terms of familial travel. I got new job days before leaving. Horrible timing but it worked out seeing as how I needed to put in my “two weeks”. So I just bounced out of Mithun and told them I would be leaving forever with three days notice. Beast.

So what the fuck were some Mexicans doing in Europe? Apparently a lot, I had no clue just how much we were going to cover on this trip. I just google mapped that shit down and it is staggering how much we covered. It was a total of 12 days. Three countries and a shit ton of cities I have a hard time remembering at the moment. We started in Italy and took a train all the way to Paris making many stops along the way. It went something like this: Rome, Vatican City, Venice, Florence, Nice, Monaco, Cannes, Antibes, and Paris. We trounced all all over the place. We covered enough to never return to those parts ever again.

I would have really liked to document each day of the trip because I could have gone into much more detail than I am doing now. However, it would have been impossible seeing as how there was no time to do so. I am just going to freestyle it from here on out.

Roma and el Vaticano

Rome was impressive. I cannot believe how excessive people could be. From my understanding after having been there, Romans seemed to be the most elitist, narcissistic, and wasteful motherfuckers ever–past and present. The city was jam packed with things to see. Ruins, churches, monuments, and six thousand fountains (I counted). The most impressive thing was Vatican City. The church, Sistine chapel, massive amounts of marble creations, and the artwork is overwhelming. The man hours and skill needed for such things is incredible. Truly something one must see firsthand to appreciate.

The Vatican

Lance of Longinus

Lance of Longinus

Speaking of impressive, the women were fantastic. No, I did not bang any of them unfortunately. But goddamn, they were beautiful. I was telling the homies that you would have to try hard to get an ugly breezy over there. I am not sure what to compare them to. They did not look like the white females over here for obvious reasons. They reminded me of really white Mexican females. The bodies were perfect. Ass and tits in the correct proportions. The type of female that looks like she will not gain weight even after marriage–for the win. Before anyone asks, I did not take any pictures of random females. A decision that fills me with regret at the moment because my words would not do these fine bitches justice.

Anyways, I have to mention the Colosseum. I was not that impressed by it. There were buildings next to it that appeared to be bigger than the actual Coliseum, so the impact was definitely reduced for me. However, once inside the architecture was impressive. To have witnessed the spectacles first hand would be awesome.

Colosseum

Colosseum

Oh yeah, the food sucked. Small snack sized portions. Maybe it is the reason why their women are in shape. Regardless, not impressed at all. To be fair, all the restaurants served home styled dishes which was cool. However, when I am paying 12 euros for a pizza or pasta it better be fucking delicious and bursting with flavors for the palette. Nope, not even close. Had I replicated a spaghetti recipe it would have tasted the same as the shit we ate over there. This brings me to another tangent, fast food places were the best deals everywhere. How sad is it that a McDonald’s is the better deal in terms of price and quantity. Either way, fuck the Euro.

Venice

Very interesting city. Our first day there we walked half way across the city because I trusted my parents to lead the way. Unfortunately they had forgotten just how massive and confusing it is to get around by foot. Cool thing was that they now had commuter boats for tourists to get around. You bought a pass for the day and you could hop on and off the boats and see the entire city in the span of a day. Again, why someone would create a city like that is beyond me, but money lets you do all sorts of crazy shit so whatever. Every building had some sort of shop or restaurant. I have a hard time believing that such establishments make any money, seems like the city is over saturated with them.

One of the cool things was visiting Murano where all the glass blowing/artisan shops are located. Some small and some were huge resembling factories. To think, Dale Chihuly thought he could go over there and show them how to work with glass. If you do not know who Chihuly is, google/youtube him so you can see what I am talking about. What a fucking pompous and worthless ass clown. Anyway, several shops gave demonstrations on the creation of several pieces. After the demo, they would funnel the tourists into their gallery and try to make you buy their products in bulk.

Piazza San Marco

Piazza San Marco

Waterway

Waterway

Look at this man.  He is blowing glass in some running shorts.  Dude is beast.  Fuck you Dale Chihuly.

Look at this man. He is blowing glass in some running shorts. Dude is beast. Fuck you Dale Chihuly.

Florence

Saw it all in a day. Stopped by that old ass bridge known as the Ponte Vecchio. We then saw the Basilica di Santa Maria del Fiore which has some insane marble work on the exterior. It is as if they hired fifty or so Mexicans from the Home Depot parking lot and told them to painstakingly sort out pink and white marble slabs to use for the outside. Saw a bunch of plazas, the most significant being Piazza della Signoria complete with a replica of Michelangelo’s David and a statue of Persueus with Medusa’s head in hand. The only thing we missed was seeing the original statue of David because the line to get into the museum was two hours long. My parents had already seen it in person and I was cool on skipping it. My time is money anyway so we bounced.

Santa Maria

Santa Maria

What the hell?

What the hell?

The French Riviera

We were based in Nice for this part of the journey. A very cosmopolitan city with many beautiful people within it and yet, still grimy. Lots of minorities consisting of Africans and Arabs, most likely why they had told us it was one of the more dangerous cities. Which is funny, because at no point during our stay did we have trouble at any city. We walked around the beach and went out at night. Very nice weather, but we did not really do much simply because there was not too much to see in the first place.

The second day we went on a whirlwind tour. Somehow we got a personal driver to take us around to several cities on an eight hour tour. It was ridiculous but worth it because we saw everything worth seeing. Our driver was this French guy born in South Africa, who moved to Nice, and then moved to Costa Rica where he lived for seven years. He knew how to speak Spanish and had a thing for dark Latinas. The man was hilarious was awesome as our tour guide. He also drove like a madman but he knew what he was doing so I trusted his judgment. Although, we almost hit three cars while on the tour so it kept things interesting to say the least.

The view from Saint Paul

Monaco.  Where time really is money.

Monaco. Where time really is money.

We went to Monaco, Cannes, and Antibes. Monaco was extremely small. We just went to see the casino from the outside and walked around for a bit. Not too much to see aside from the views which were fantastic. Lots of old people too, I have no idea why but that is what the majority of the tourists consisted of.

We stopped by Cannes for a bit and saw the grand stairway where all those movie premieres take place. Did not look that impressive up close. The beach front was nice. However, not much else to look at besides all of the designer stores crammed along the main street.

Antibes was nice too, especially considering the history behind the city. Awesome strategic location for Napoleon, and seeing the remnants of the fort was very cool. Not to mention the millionaires who store their massive yachts on the pier. The owners of the yachts pay groups of guys to clean and maintain them year round. Often times the owners do not even use them, but they still pay for someone to take them out every once in a while. Amazing waste of money and cool to see it up close. Word on the streets is that Arabs are the ones with massive amounts of scrilla and it makes sense. Please believe they are the real ballers of over there.

Antibes

Paris

We then took an overnight train, the ones that have bunk bed rooms so we could sleep. It was weird, because the rooms house six people. Meaning that we had to share the room with two other strangers, must have sucked for those guys since were acting like a bunch of rowdy minorities.

Paris is the only city I had already visited before. The city reminds me a lot of Seattle, probably why I like it so much. Very laid back atmosphere and really awesome tasting gyros. We saw the usual stuff like the Eiffel Tower and The Arc of Triumph (or Arc de Triomphe as the gays call it). We went from 90 degree weather in Rome to 60 degree weather in Paris. I felt refreshed after arriving. No more sweaty ball syndrome.

Random Tidbits from the Trip

Overall, everything is too expensive. I saw a pair of Nikes over there for 110 euros while that same exact model costs only 50 dollars over here which is more than double for the same thing. That is only an example of the absurd prices but you get the idea.

The food was not good. The tastiest things we had were gyros made by Arabs. They were delicious and reasonably priced. When you get charged 12 euros for a plate of bland pasta you look for alternatives real quick. I called it before going over there too but I had come to believe that Italy was where I could finally get some good food. Wrong and anyone who tells me otherwise is most likely white, because they tend to love shit with no flavor. Eat at a taco truck for fucks sake, and then come see me about delicious food.

Gyros.  Best European food I found over there.

Gyros. Best European food I found over there.

Again, I cannot get over how hot the women were over there. I need to get some Italian broad with an accent. I am not one who is usually awestruck by beauty, but I guess living in Seattle has deprived me of what truly beautiful women actually look like. A+ Italy, I approve of that ass.

Children should not be allowed on planes. They need to be over ten years old before getting on a plane, otherwise they annoy the fuck out of everyone. They never shut the fuck up and cry like little bitches. When I am sitting there for an eleven hour flight, the last thing I want to hear is a crying child.

Almost forgot. Since we made the entire trip on train we made several stops. One of these was Milano. So there we are at the station since we had to kill time for an hour. The number 2 call of nature was signaling and I had to respond. So I pay the .80 euro fee to handle some business. I get into the stall and I freeze. It was a squat toilet. Too many emotions ran through me. I was anxious, angered, surprised, and annoyed, but more importantly needing get some relief. However, I had to think about it for a bit. I had never used one of these things. What the fuck am I supposed to do here? I cannot do the Asian squat. The bio-mechanic nature of that pose is impossible for me to replicate. There was no time to practice either. To be safe, I took off all my clothes because I will be goddamned if I shit myself trying to be slick using one of these motherfuckers. I recalled my Kenpo Karate training and got into a wide “horse” stance. I had my arms out too just in case. I was not falling into the thing, fuck that noise. That act itself felt very strange. Had I been an avid camper or Bear Grylls this would have been a piece of cake. Sadly, I do not spend my spare time away from civilization because I tend to like modern activities and amenities.

In conclusion, awesome albeit stressful trip. I had one day of rest before starting my new job so it all worked out. Not sure what major trip I will take next with the family. I need to get on all the continents before it is too late. I have had enough of Western Europe. I think it is time for me to take a trip to the dark side, also known as Eastern Europe where they still think communism can work. Who knows, I guess we will have to wait and see.

Oh yes, please believe I wore that shirt while over there.

Oh yes, please believe I wore "that" shirt while over there.

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Responses

  1. hahahaha. good stuff. I lol’ed at you being naked on the squat toilet…amateur. haha and i am disappointed at the lack of pictures of females…but i guess it’s better than your parents thinking you’re some creeper when they browse your camera. maybe you should move to Italy, find a wifey, and open a taco truck and show them real flavor.

  2. please tell me you hit up that absinthe place

  3. dude, asia 2009 is in the planning stages. start the countdown cuz its bouts to be ba-na-na-nas! i too LOLd at your shitting fiasco. good thing i’ve never had to use those lameass waste disposers. btw happy bday. you got focked up…

  4. what millertime said, werd..

    also i’m with you on the italian food, but clearly you skipped out on the dinner crepes in paris…


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